Old Msgs

So I was go thru my msgs on facebook today & I came across our old msgs. It's crazy how things can change within a matter of weeks. It's crazy cuz normally if I go thru them I would start to miss him & my heart would get heavy, but that didn't even happen. All I could do is shake my head. To me it just seemed so fake. We said we would always be here & always be together, & will always love each other no matter what, now look at us lol.. God works in mysterious ways. I can honestly say that I really dnt feel some type of way about this. This is how I know that everything will be ok for me. I've learned frm those mistakes & I'm moving forward with life. It feels great =)

Truly

I've realized that I'm handling this alot better than I thought I would. People can see a change in me. I'm not that ''depressed lookin girl sittin around the house'' as my mom puts it. I'm not that ''No, stop, I dnt want to b around you'' person as Julius says. I'm finally me again & it feels great. I finally have someone that makes me feel like I'm worth it. That knows me & my past & doesn't hold shit against me. Man that feels great !..lol I'm no longer walkin on pins & needles watchin everything that I say to people. I'm finally happy with where I'm at in life. It feels great to have that one that is so secure w/ themselves. It feels great to have someone not accuse or judge you. These feelings I'm having are totally new. Different than from what I've felt before. I feel alive again. Totally free. My spirits are high & I'm truly happy. I've forgiven myself for the wrong I've done & I've forgiven him. He can keep wateva he has of mine. I dnt need it. I dnt want it. He must want it cuz he has yet to give it back. He can have it. I'm finally believing in me & doin what I want & makin me happy. This is the way it's gonna stay.

All =)'s

I can't do anything but smile. This feeling is so new & refreshing... I love it. It's different. A good different & I dnt want to do anything to jepordize that. I'm feelin really great. It feels great to be appreciated for who you are, & not have anything held against you. I really feels great to have a clear mind. I'm loving what has started & can't wait to see what this may turn into. I'm more bubbly & I'm happier than I have been for a while. =)

A New Me

There are so many things that could be said. So many things that could've been worked out, but honestly there's no point. I've realize that I dnt want to try to work things out w/ him. Why try when he already believes that I never loved him? Why try to break my back when he's just gonna hold me dwn w/ the past? I've had this small empty feeling & I kno that it's cuz I miss what we had. I still love that boy whether he wants to believe it or not, but I realized that while I was stuck stayin w/ someone that held me back I missed alot of oppourtunites. I'm not gonna go on about who did what & how much it hurt. I've left it alone & it's in the past. I've learned & I'm growing from it. I've realized alot of things in these past 2 weeks & I can honestly say that I feel alot better than I have in a while. I'm more confident & I'm finally believing in me. Writing songs have been really theraputic for me. I'm glad that I have this person in my corner that's there for me every step of the way. It really means alot to me. I'm happy for everything that he's given me which has made me happy w/ myself today. I've forgiven myself for everything I've done but most of all I've forgiven him. I'm not holding on to the past. I'm lookin towards my future. I'm a totally new person. =)

What is this?

I woke up feelin some type of way. Maybe that convo last nite really opened my eyes up. It's something on my mind but idk who to talk to about it. I jus really want to get past this stage. I just want to b able to move on now. I'm not talkin about relationship, I jus mean w/ life. I jus have to give this time. All I kno is that music is my bestfriend today....

After talkin to my brother I have to say that I really should move on. Even tho he believes that everything will work out I'm more than convinced that they won't. He dnt trust me. W/o that then there is no relationship. He dnt believe I love him sp why even try? Like I said I'm not gonna fight this by myself. I gotta move one & let the past go.

I think I'm feeling better about myself. I dnt feel myself sayin I'm not pretty as much. I feel better with the choices made & actually he has made that alot better for me. With him thinkin that i'm not thinkin about him jus got me like if that's the case then why think about you.. He was on my mind since it happened but since he believes that I dnt think about him or even love him for that matter, smh, why should I? I've come to a time in my life when I'm tired of bullshit & instead of jus sayin it I'm doin something about it..

My Time Is Now

I've wrote down so much in these past couple days & this is the last of it.i'm not gonna go on & on about what happened & how I feel becuz I'm over it. I can feel the beginning of a new me. I can feel myself changing into the woman I really want to be. My cousin told me something that shook me. Becuz of my past w/ my dad I'm used to aggressive love & that's why I was so comfortable & used to the love that was given. I've realized alot of my fathers actions is why I was the way I was in that relationship. Now I kno he dnt care & he isn't thinkin about me but I do love him. Always have & always will but it's time for me to move one & grow. It's time for me to really focus & do me. I'm to young for a serious relationship. I'm focusing on me. I was singing the other day & I think I actually want to go after my forgotten dream. It's time to make me happy & my time is now.